The Reasons Why I Didn’t Watch Game Of Thrones

So we all know that being nerdy is cool nowadays. It’s great, I love it! But some people are very bitter. They act like life is so much easier now that nerds aren’t getting bullied for being nerds. Which is true, but not really! Sure, nerds aren’t getting bullied but it is not easy to be a nerd nowadays. There is just so much stuff you have to do. So much merch to own! So many spoilers to avoid! So many things to watch! It’s just exhausting how many hours I need to put into sitting down and watching stuff. 

Hello, welcome to nerdy and quirky. Okay, obviously I was joking. But also, I kinda wasn’t. Because I’ve got a bit of a confession for you guys. And it might come as a shock unless you read the title of the article, but… I don’t understand the game of thrones. It’s not because of the plot. I get the gist. It’s kinda like real life because everyone you love dies and there are dragons. No. The plot isn’t my problem… what I don’t about the game of thrones is… the game of thrones. Also, read- game of thrones dragons names

Because people are just so into watching Game of Thrones nowadays that it’s basically a sporting event! It’s the Superbowl for nerds! And much like sports balls, I just don’t understand how anyone is THAT into it. Which is think is fine. Like I don’t hate people for being excited. That is great! That is beautiful! It’s just not for me. But when I tell people this, the news only goes down in one of two ways. Sorry, I don’t really watch the game of thrones. Okay. 

Sorry, I don’t really watch the game of thrones What?! Pardon?! Que?! It has the BEST writing! It is just SO good! It is the greatest show of all time! WORLDBUILDING! How are you not watching this show? And dragons?! I don’t think we can be Fri- Shhhhhh. You’re the reason I don’t watch this show. Which isn’t true at all. The actual answer is the episodes are too long and too heavy and my brain can only process thirty-minute long sitcoms featuring characters who are repressing their psychological issues. 

I’m looking for that relatable content. But I’m just so tired of people not believing that I don’t watch Game of Thrones! Like you can suspend your disbelief for dragons but you cannot believe that I am too lazy to watch TV. It’s like you don’t even know me. They’re reacting like I just said: Hey, Uhm, I kick puppies for fun! Ross was my favorite character on Friends. Donald Tru- Let’s not go there! It’s just that these people keep acting like me not watching Game of Thrones is the same as me just Red Wedding’d them. Also, read- game of thrones fantasy football names

Purple Wedding??? CERULEAN WEDDING’D?!?! CHARTREUSE?! SAY YES TO THE DRESS! And murder. But I think I’ve come up with the perfect solution for all of the people like me who get asked if they watch Game of Thrones and them… don’t. Just make stuff up. Uh, that’s lying. Have fun in hell! But this isn’t lying. It’s just making unsubstantiated fan theories. Okay but you’re still burning in hell though…. You know what you did. Also, read- game of thrones bastard names

So to get the ball rolling, I thought I would start with some of my own. Spoiler alert. Maybe. Probably not. So we all know that every lie… fan theory begins with a grain of truth, so why not get inspired by episode titles. Season 3 Episode 5 “Kissed by Fire” – Yeah, somebody made out with actual literal fire. Honestly, though, it was pretty… HOT. Season 5 Episode 2 “The House of Black and white” – Raisin Bran Stark gets a vision of race relations in America. Season 4 Episode 7 “Mockingbird” The entire Game of Thrones is just entertainment for the Capitol. Kings Landing… is that it? The wait is it Mockingbird or Mockingjay? The Hunger Games books… It’s Mockingjay! Not Mockingbird! 

Season 6 Episode 5 “The Door” – alright, so this is actually an extension of the Pixar theory. Blah blah blah. That is actually connected to the MonstersInc. universe. Turns out the real monsters were humans. Season 3 Episode 6 “The Climb” So in this episode, if you pay REALLY really close attention, you’ll actually find that… everybody is played by Miley Cyrus. Season 7 Episode 5 “Eastwatch” – it’s literally just an homage episode to Baywatch. Okay, maybe those were a little too ridiculous. R-Donkulus. Re-donkey-licious. So if you don’t want to do that, there is this one fool-proof way to avoid taking the risk of telling people you don’t watch GoT….which is how I pronounce this acronym whenever I see it. Got. Groot. And worst comes to worst, you can always do this: So did you watch the latest episode of Game of Thrones [grunts] The Lannister’s send their regards DRAMATIC REVEAL THAT I ACTUALLY DO WATCH THE SHOW!! Hahaha! No… I tried, but there are just so many episodes, and that’s just too much commitment. Which is my biggest fear? Now, what about you guys? What is your favorite TV show? Let me known down below.

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